Trickster Tipster Nov 22

Mourinho brings joy and laughter, so West Ham stand no chance

Fitness is life, the obese are lame. Without fitness, you can’t win the game!


Jose Mourinho is back - and that seems to be the only thing people have been talking about the whole week. 


Well, my memory of him is one of a grumpy old man who complains about everything and anything. Just like those uncles you see in coffeeshops - you know the type. 


Which is why I’m surprised to see photos of Mourinho smiling! 


And not just the ‘Special One’. It seems even the Tottenham Hotspur players are pretty happy! 


Which is really weird. Because I thought they would have all gone into mourning after Mauricio Pochettino left. He was, after all, the best manager in Spurs’ history, you know. 


But the players seem to have a spring in their step now. It seems like they are ready to make a statement or two when they take on West Ham this weekend. 


Now I’m not sure about you, but I wouldn’t make fun of a Mourinho team in its first season. The Hammers however, didn’t appear to get the memo. 


It seems like they completely forgot that they are having a worse season than the Spurs.


You do know what happens to small teams that make fun of Mourinho, right? Take Spurs to win 4-0! 


Math Genius: Manchester City vs Chelsea

(Statistics + algebra – probability) x me = 100% accurate EPL predictions.


Frank Lampard makes a return to his former club Manchester City… which sounds pretty awkward even after four years. But I’m sure there won’t be time for reminiscing, because it’s third vs fourth. 


Of course, Lampard is a key talking point in this game, so I’ve made the point of digging up some old stats. The former midfielder scored an average of 10.5 goals a year during his playing days at Stamford Bridge, and scored just six in his one year with City. So take those numbers divided by the teams’ current league position, you get 3.5 and 1.5, which tells me Chelsea will win this game by two clear goals. 


Lampard to guide Chelsea to a 3-1 victory! 


Shady Hacker: Liverpool vs Crystal Palace 

You don’t know me. But I know you. And everything about the EPL too.


The word is Mo Salah and Andrew Robertson are out injured. But can you really believe it, given that photos of them actually participating in training have been circulated? If the argument is that photos can be doctored, then I’m ready to release videos from the Melwood training ground anytime. 


Poor Roy Hodgson, who, being the gullible old man that he is (who can forget the time when he actually believed he could lead the Reds to their first Premier League title?), believes what Jurgen Klopp has been saying. 


So Palace will be in for a rude shock this weekend. Take Liverpool to win 2-0. 


Fengshui Master: Sheffield United vs Manchester United

The answers to the EPL are in the palm of my hand. 


As we head close to the Lunar New Year (it’s two months away now), the colour red should come into more prominence. As that happens, there should be no doubt that Manchester United’s fortunes should get better. It is also why we’ve seen vast improvements, and why their players are not getting injured as often now.


That means trouble for Sheffield United. The Blades will miss Dean Henderson, who has been their lucky charm. My readings also suggested that part of Sheffield’s luck is down to the goalkeeper, who brought it along with him when he made the loan move from Man Utd. 


Without him, I’m afraid Sheffield will suffer. United to win 3-2. 



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