Trickster Tipster Jan 31

New-look Spurs will kill off Man City’s title challenge for good


You don’t know me. But I know you. And everything about the EPL too.

 

It’s no secret that Jose Mourinho would love nothing more than to pile more misery on his long-time managerial rival Pep Guardiola.

 

And he’ll have the perfect chance to do so this weekend when his Tottenham Hotspur side takes on Manchester City.

 

After all, the Spurs camp are in a buoyant mood, following the departure of Christian Eriksen, who had – according to my spy cam – been a hugely disruptive influence in the dressing room.

 

Let’s just say that with Eriksen now gone, Tanguy Ndombele won’t be spitting out salt from his coffee any more.

 

Not only that, Spurs have managed to strengthen significantly with the signing of Steven Bergwijn, who is so pacey that Danny Rose decided to leave for struggling Newcastle United rather than stay and train against him week in, week out.

 

Giovanni Lo Celso, too, has been spotted grinning from ear-to-ear after earning himself a permanent move to Spurs. 

 

So, it’s fair to say that entire Spurs team, led by a less-scowly Mourinho, are on a high. And that should see them overcome a morose Man City side, who are still reeling from their 0-1 defeat to Manchester United. 

 

I mean, if Man City can let Nemanja Matic look like Zinedine Zidane, then how are they expected to handle actually decent players like Bergwijn, Lo Celso or Gedson Fernandes?

 

And that is why I’m going to predict a 2-0 victory for Spurs.

 

Math Genius: Liverpool vs Southampton

(Statistics + algebra – probability) x me = 100% accurate EPL predictions.

 

Liverpool’s 2-0 win over West Ham on Thursday morning (SGT) was a statistician’s dream come true.

 

I mean, the number of numbers that were doing the rounds was staggering. 

 

127 – the number of years it took Liverpool to beat every team in a single domestic league season.

 

23 – the number of wins in the EPL that Liverpool have recorded so far. From 24 games.

 

19 – the number of points Liverpool are clear at the top of the table, which is more than double the points tally of 5th-place Manchester United after just 24 games.

 

10 – the number of fist-pumps Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp did during the game.

 

1123980821273 – the number of Man United fans who are planning to disappear from society come the end of the season in May.

 

Given Liverpool’s rampant form, I expect more records will be broken against the Saints. But Southampton have experienced a resurgence of late, so it won’t be easy.

 

Therefore, I’m going with a slender 1-0 win for the Reds this time round.

 

Fitness Babe: Manchester United vs Wolves

Fitness is life, the obese are lame. Without fitness, you can’t win the game!

 

Oh, wow! Bruno Fernandes at Man United? That’s great news for the Red Devils!

 

Why? Well, apart from his boyish good looks, Bruno is a hard runner who can go on and on and on for days.

 

And I love a guy with that sort of stamina.

 

I expect the Portuguese will start against the mighty Wolves, who do have the force of nature that is Adama Traore in their ranks.

 

I mean, have you seen how amazing Traore’s biceps are? Impeccable! 

 

In normal circumstances, I would go for a draw, given how evenly matched both teams are in terms of their fitness levels. However, Man United last played in midweek, against Man City no less, so I expect them to suffer from fatigue.

 

Wolves, on the other hand, had the whole week to rest their weary muscles. And regular readers of mine will know just how much emphasis I place on sufficient rest.

 

That is why I’m going to go for a 2-1 victory for Wolves!

 

Fengshui Master: Leicester City vs Chelsea

The answers to the EPL are in the palm of my hand.

 

First of all, let me wish all of you a very Happy New Year. May the Year of the Rat bring you great tidings.

 

Well, unless you’re born in the year of the Horse. Good luck to you if you are. You’re going to need it.

 

Anyway, the dawn of the Year of the Rat means I have to use new sets of Fengshui charts. And I’m glad to have gotten this Leicester vs Chelsea match, because it’s an easy prediction for me.

 

You see, Leicester are known as the Foxes, and foxes hunt rats. This means that the Year of the Rat will generally be a bad one for them. As for Chelsea, their mascot is a lion, and lions generally don’t bother with an animal as small as a rat.

 

That is unless the lion is Scar from the Lion King. Which Chelsea’s mascot isn’t.

 

So, I’m going with a 3-1 win for Chelsea.

 

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