Trickster Tipster Dec 27

Arteta's Ba Zi fits perfectly with Arsenal, so take them to beat Chelsea


The answers to the EPL are in the palm of my hand.

 

I seem to have a knack of getting Manchester United’s results horribly wrong. Perhaps my own fengshui doesn’t go well with the Red Devils. Well, who would want to be associated with a devil anyway?

 

So, I’ve taken Arsenal against Chelsea this weekend. I have to say, though, that watching both teams can be so confusing. When you expect them to struggle, they perform, but when you think they will get an easy win, they struggle badly in ways I can’t comprehend.  

 

Then I realised - it’s not a good year for clubs with former players at their helm. That is thanks to the position of the moon as compared to the sun, which upsets the balance of yin and yang in 2019 (it probably also explains why Liverpool are doing so well too, because usually, they should be struggling).  

 

But since an eclipse happened on Thursday, I foresee a change of luck for London clubs. Of course, both teams can’t win, so to pick out the winner, we have to take a more detailed look at the managers, Mikel Arteta and Frank Lampard.  

 

Having studied their ‘Ba Zi’, I suspect that the Lampard might have exhausted his quota of energy for the year. Chelsea’s defeat to Southampton was proof of that, because everything else indicated that the Blues should have won comfortably.  

 

Thus, I’m going for Arsenal to win 1-0.

 

Math Genius: West Ham vs Leicester

(Statistics + algebra – probability) x me = 100% accurate EPL predictions.

 

It’s been a pretty cold December in Singapore due to the rainy weather, and I suspect Leicester might be a cold place right now, too, after that humiliating 0-4 defeat to Liverpool.  

 

Having borrowed Fengshui Master’s rainfall meter, I found that the rainfall in Punggol is roughly 269mm for December, whereas in Jurong, it’s about 249mm - a difference of 20mm. Coincidentally, the point difference between Leicester and their opponent this weekend, West Ham, is 20 points.  

 

Of course, there’s no coincidence in the world of Maths. So I dug deeper into the numbers and calculated factors, such as the weight of players and how a cooler temperature will affect them, in my football prediction formula.

 

It tells me Leicester will win 2-0.  

 

Shady Hacker: Burnley vs Man Utd

You don’t know me. But I know you. And everything about the EPL too.

 

I haven’t seen Manchester United celebrate that wildly since Robin Van Persie helped them lift their 20th EPL title in 2013. But here they are, celebrating a 4-1 win over the mighty Newcastle United.  

 

It appears that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has found a solution to his team problems - apparently, all he needed was to give them a can of beer before every training session and game. That probably helped them to forget all their worries, which might explain why they resembled the Manchester United teams of old.

 

On the other hand, Burnley look quite lost recently. I can tell you that it’s because Sean Dyche has been busy trying to grow his hair out again, which took all his attention away from football matters.  

 

I reckon Man Utd will go on a roll again. Take them to win 2-1.  

 

Fitness Babe: Liverpool vs Wolves

Fitness is life, the obese are lame. Without fitness, you can’t win the game!

 

Does it really matter how Wolves have been doing? Because if a Liverpool team that travelled from Qatar back to England can play as though they are immune to the effects of jetlag, nothing can stop them!  

 

And it definitely won’t be a Wolves side that will play this game with less than 48 hours of rest!

 

You know how important rest is. It allows for the muscles to recover and get stronger. Without rest, even Adam Traore will find it hard to run, let alone play football! No sports scientist will ever be able to prove otherwise.

 

I think the Wolves players can only hope they change into actual werewolves like Jacob Black in that twilight movie, but that’s not really possible, right?  

 

Liverpool to win 3-0!

 

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