Trickster Tipster Dec 13

Man City, Arsenal to share the spoils in battle of the bald

Fitness is life, the obese are lame. Without fitness, you can’t win the game!


My colleague, Fengshui Master, mentioned last week that it is no longer interesting watching Manchester City play because Liverpool are going to win the league title. 


I couldn’t disagree more. Watching Pep Guardiola’s soon-to-be former champions dropping down the table is my definition of fun! 


Man City have already lost four games this season. That’s the same number of defeats that struggling Arsenal have suffered. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I checked the league table.  


No wonder Guardiola is so gloomy nowadays. I feel for the players though - it can’t be fun when your bald boss puts on such a sad look. 


That said, Arsenal haven’t become better since Freddie Ljungberg took over. And hey, the Swede is also bald. So it’ll be the battle of the bald managers when the two of them face off. 


Anyway, as I was saying, Arsenal are still struggling. But at least they look like they want to play football more than they ever did under that troll lookalike Unai Emery. And when you put in more effort, everything else will fall in place. I mean, that’s what my fitness instructor always tells me during our gym sessions. 


So take Man City and Arsenal to draw 2-2. 


Fengshui Master: Liverpool vs Watford

The answers to the EPL are in the palm of my hand.


If anyone thinks Watford can upset Liverpool, then I’m sorry, you need your brain checked. Because the only question here is whether Liverpool can match Man City’s 8-0 win against the same opponents from earlier this season. 


In that regard, I’m afraid the Reds are still in the shadows of their title rivals - though Liverpool fans would hate to hear that. 

Good news for them then. Watford lost heavily to Man City after a change of manager. And the Hornets have just changed their manager again. 


So after fiddling around with my compass, an abacus, a can of Ayam Brand tuna and a dead hornet, I spent two hours focused on this and got my predictions. 


Take Liverpool to win 4-0. 


Math Genius: Leicester City vs Norwich City

(Statistics + algebra – probability) x me = 100% accurate EPL predictions.


Leicester City are in second spot and Norwich are in 19th. There are 16 places in between the two teams and unfortunately for Norwich, that’s the percentage of their likelihood of beating Leicester this weekend. 


Because that’s how good Leicester are right now. The numbers are astonishing - they have conceded the fewest, shipping in just 10 goals, the most clean sheets with seven, and scored the third most goals with 39. 


They are an elite team. Or at least that’s what algebra tells me now. Having used various algebra formula to calculate the possible results, the best Norwich can hope for is to hold out for a 0-0 draw. 


Of course, the chances of a draw is 26 per cent. But I’m not buying that. Take Leceister to win 3-0. 


Shady Hacker: Manchester United vs Everton

You don’t know me. But I know you. And everything about the EPL too.


I must admit that I didn’t think Everton would beat Chelsea last weekend, so that was a surprise. But here’s a bigger surprise: Manchester United have won three straight games in all competitions and haven’t lost in their last five league games. Who would have thought? 


Now it’s clear that both sides are fired up. 


Carrington is a much happier place now. Everyone is now looking forward to the Christmas Party that Jesse Lingard has planned, although Anthony Martial, as usual, is still sulking away. 


At Finch Farm, where Everton trains, the mood is much better, too. But weirdly, the Everton players seem to think that Duncan Ferguson is the next Sir Alex Ferguson, and that the team are out of trouble now. My spy cams even picked up on Richarlison saying that he’s aiming to score four goals against the Red Devils. 


Sorry to burst your bubble lads, but maybe keep your targets a bit more realistic? 

Here’s a more realistic prediction: Man Utd 1-1 Everton.



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