Trickster Tipster Jan 17

Liverpool or Manchester United? The answer should be obvious enough


The answers to the EPL are in the palm of my hand.

 

I’ve always liked the North-West Derby between Liverpool and Manchester United. It’s never boring, and there’s always plenty of drama.  

 

All these years, the storyline surrounding this fixture hasn’t changed. Think about it: 10 years ago, one team dominated the competition while the other was given the nickname, History FC. This is exactly what will happen this weekend, with the roles reversed!

 

With so much anticipation surrounding this fixture, I had to be extra detailed with this. So I printed out Jurgen Klopp and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s photos, created a special compass that says win, draw and lose, and pasted the photos onto the compass needle.

 

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Funnily, when it was Klopp’s photo, the compass needle pointed to the word ‘win’. And when it was Solskjaer’s, it pointed to ‘lose’.

 

That says it all. Liverpool to win 3-1!  

 

Math Genius: Man City vs Crystal Palace

(Statistics + algebra – probability) x me = 100% accurate EPL predictions.

 

Mathematics is never complicated. Well, at least for me anyway!  

 

But based on my calculations, Man City are 14 times more motivated to win their match this weekend than Crystal Palace. Coincidentally (believe it or not), that’s the number of points that City are behind Liverpool.  

 

City also have 15 wins this season, while Palace have won just seven times so far. That’s eight more wins for City, and it’s also the number of goals they will look to score. Palace have been quite a solid team defensively, though, so the chances of City scoring goals will be divided by two (hey, that’s City’s position in the league table right now!)  

 

4-0 in City’s favour.  

 

Fitness Babe: Watford vs Tottenham  

Fitness is life, the obese are lame. Without fitness, you can’t win the game!

 

All week long, I’ve been hearing the name Gedson Fernandes. I was wondering who on earth that is. I guess, like most Tottenham Hotspur fans, I had no idea there someone on earth named Gedson before this week!  

 

But it looks like they’ve signed a proper player now. Or at least a determined one. Just look at photos of him in training!  

 

He’s even doing his stretches properly. I can’t emphasise how important it is for men (footballers, especially) to be flexible! And that means he’s going to be so much more effective than that lazy, unmotivated Christian Eriksen.  

 

I’m gonna say 2-0 to Spurs!  

 

Shady Hacker: Arsenal vs Sheffield United 

You don’t know me. But I know you. And everything about the EPL too.

 

Only a team like Arsenal can go from promising to rubbish in a span of a week. And it’s probably going to get worse for them when they face a proper, old school team like Sheffield United.  

 

Apparently, newly installed manager Mikel Arteta is still finding out why Unai Emery failed, and the problem isn’t Emery, for sure. The problem is that the players at the club somehow do not understand instructions.  

 

Oh, don’t be fooled by what Arteta says publicly. The Spaniard is regretting his decision to leave Man City now and he’s sent countless texts to Guardiola in the hope that he can rejoin the Manchester team, but Guardiola has ghosted him completely.  

 

This means only one thing. Back Sheffield United to win 3-0.  

 

 

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