Trickster Tipster Nov 29

Frowning Klopp means Liverpool won't score too many against Brighton

(Statistics + algebra – probability) x me = 100% accurate EPL predictions.


While analysing the Liverpool-Napoli game, it was shocking to see that Jurgen Klopp had been frowning for the most part of it.  


By my calculations, he made about 40 frowns lasting almost a minute and a half each - which meant he spent an hour of the game frowning. The only time he seemed in a good mood was when Liverpool managed to get a shot away at Napoli, including the only goal they scored in the game.  


Liverpool registered 15 shots in total, but only a third were on target. I found that the more Klopp frowns, the less likely Liverpool will score.  


So based on that, Liverpool will score two goals on Saturday, after factoring in Brighton are considered a tier three team, while Napoli are tier one.  


But Brighton’s Graham Potter has proved that he is no pushover and has been able to make his team punch above its weight consistently. Potter is also a frowner as well, but his frown actually makes his team play significantly better. Based on this, Brighton’s chances of losing is significantly reduced from 93 per cent to 68 per cent. That number, however, is still too high.  


So take Liverpool to defeat Brighton 2-0.  


Fengshui Master - Tottenham vs Bournemouth

The answers to the EPL are in the palm of my hand. 


Jose Mourinho seems to have regained his mojo since returning to the Premier League, and it seems to have rubbed off on his Tottenham Hotspur players. Then I found out that he was born in the Year of Rabbit.  


Under my Fengshui 2019 guide, those born in the year of the rabbit have good fortune this year, and it only gets better for them especially towards the end of the year. That explains a lot, which makes me think Daniel Levy actually consulted a fengshui master before hiring Mourinho. He should have consulted me though. I could have offered him a 50 per cent discount for my fees, and that’s not even a Black Friday promotion.  


Anyway, take Spurs to beat Bournemouth 3-1.  


Fitness Babe - Norwich vs Arsenal

Fitness is life, the obese are lame. Without fitness, you can’t win the game!


How do you get yourself to perform when you dislike your trainer so much? I certainly wouldn’t be able to, and I’m pretty sure that’s why Arsenal are playing football like they’d rather do something else.  


Of course, with a head coach that pronounces “good evening” as “good ebening”, you can hardly get motivated. Hearing him speak at a press conference demotivates me enough, much less his players who listen to him every day!  Thankfully for Arsenal, they’ve fired him. But I doubt that such a last-minute change is going to do anything to help matters, given that the players will still be suffering from nightmares! 


On the other hand, it seems that Norwich, despite all their struggles so far, still enjoy working under Daniel Farke. While he isn’t that good looking, there’s something charming about Farke but I still can’t quite figure out what it is. But I’m sure that his players feel that charm as well!  


So take Norwich to take down Arsenal 1-0.  


Shady Hacker - Manchester United vs Aston Villa  

You don’t know me. But I know you. And everything about the EPL too.


So it seems Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s decision to leave the first-team players back home worked a treat. Both Fred and Andreas Pereira - especially the latter - were surprised at how good the club’s youngsters were and are now afraid that they will lose their spot in the team to teenagers and have decided to work doubly hard.  


That can only mean that both Marcus Rashford and Anthony Martial will get better service, which spells bad news for Aston Villa. The Villans had been hoping for United’s kids to win their Europa League match against Astana so they can also play in the Sunday Premier League match.  


But this should still be a close one. Man Utd to win 2-1.




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