Liverpool are going to win the Premier League title this season. Unless...
At first, it took me a while to pinpoint what it was. Then, it hit me. Gleaming resplendently under the sunny skies of Los Angeles, it stood out so distinctly that I couldn’t believe it took me so long to notice it.
Where once it was black and brown, it was now bright and shiny. Where once it was uneven and even crooked, it was now straight and immaculate.
Did he think that this new look would suit him better? Did someone have a word with him to let him know that he had to do something to change Arsenal fans’ negative public perception of him?
We may never know the answers to those questions, but what is certain is that this Arsenal fan certainly approves of the changes that Unai Emery made to his teeth over the summer.
I’m sure there’s a joke in there about Emery using last season to cut his teeth in the English Premier League.
In all seriousness, though, it’s great that Emery has new teeth. At least now, he looks less like a beat-up Rocky Balboa, and more like the mildly adorable Count von Count from Sesame Street.
It also means that Emery’s smile will no longer gross me out. Which is important, because I foresee he’ll be doing a lot of smiling this coming season.
Yes, I know Arsenal have yet to make a signing of note, bar untested 18-year-old Brazilian forward Gabriel Martinelli, but I am still weirdly optimistic for the campaign ahead.
And it’s all down to Mesut Ozil’s brand new hairstyle.
If you haven’t seen it yet, you really should check it out. Also, you should get your eyes checked out, because it’s literally this article’s feature image.
Dyed a shocking platinum blonde, Ozil’s new hair has immediately made him look like a champion. Because he now looks like the spitting image of recent Women’s World Cup winner Megan Rapinoe.
Heck, the two players even took a photo together recently, and I’m still not quite sure where Ozil ends and Rapinoe begins.
But there’s a lot to be said for the positive psychological effect of dressing for success. Given how timidly Ozil played last season, changing his look to mimic that of a more successful player like Rapinoe will surely do wonders for his confidence.
At the very least, Ozil’s new hairstyle will give him the power of visibility, because no one can possibly miss that bright, blonde hair. After spending the whole of the last two campaigns playing the role of Hollow Man for Arsenal, it was nice to finally be able to see Ozil on the pitch again last Thursday.
And it’s clear that the 30-year-old's new hairstyle has already had a positive effect on him and his team-mates.
After all, the Gunners were finally able to kick their nasty habit of losing 5-1 to Bayern, as they secured an impressive 2-1 victory over the German giants in the ICC.
Unsurprisingly, Ozil was at the heart of the victory, stringing passes through the eyes of so many needles that he had practically made himself a snood by the time he was taken off in the 81st minute.
He followed that up with another fine 10-minute cameo against Fiorentina in the ICC on Sunday, where he produced a moment of magic which left two opposing players looking like Shkodran Mustafis.
Now, that was a genuine example of footballing skill. And it makes for way better viewing than a lucky long-pass from the halfway line that ends up in the back of the net.
Man, have I missed Ozil.
Because the German playmaker is unquestionably still Arsenal’s most technically-gifted player. When he’s in the mood, he can get the Arsenal engine purring like the finest Proton money can buy.
With Ozil back in existence, supplying ammunition to the likes of Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Alexandre Lacazette, there is a very good chance that Arsenal can improve on last year’s fifth-place finish, and reclaim their divine right to be in the top-four.
Well, they’d better. After all, Emery spent all that money on his new teeth to smile, not grimace, right?